five: where are you now?

song: the mixed tape by jack’s mannequin

Anna’s POV

Every time I drink, death comes upon me the next day. Today was no exception. I moaned and groaned my way to the Montreal market, a normally beautiful sunny place. On this day it was painful and disturbing. Sunlight is the hungover girl’s worst nightmare.

“...so I don’t think we should bother with the red peppers, because Carey likes green,” Julie was saying as I squinted at what looked like a kumquat, “Ok?”

“What? Yeah, sure.” God, this was boring. I wanted to go home and sleep, crawl into that warm space between Ryan’s arm and my pillow- stop. Buffalo was not my home anymore.

“I’m a gypsy.”

Julie frowned at me, “Come again?”

“Can I get a trailer? We could paint it purple and put stars on the ceiling. It’ll complete the look.”

“Anna, you’re fucked up.”

“I know, but can I?”

“No.”

I pouted. She was no fun.

“If I had just one long gypsy skirt-”

“Anna, shut up.”

“Ok.”

I sighed and wandered over to a display of sheep’s wool. Sickly, I wondered what Ryan was doing. He was probably heading to practice, then home to sleep before the game. They were playing the Leafs tonight. Lots of fights would be have, probably even some fighting from Ryan. He hated the Leafs.

Shut up, brain. Stop thinking about him. He’s ancient history. You don’t love him anymore.

My thoughts were broken by Julia’s sudden exclamation, “Scott!”

Hmm, last I checked, that wasn’t my name.

I turned around to see her hugging someone much taller than her. Then again, a lot of people were taller than Jules, but that’s beside the point. As soon as she let go of the stranger, I recognized him instantly.

Scott Gomez. That New York Ranger. He was a Hab now, right? My god.

“Annie, come over here for a minute, I’d like you to meet someone!” Julie said brightly.

I clenched my fists and walked over.

“This is Scott-”

“I know who he is,” I said darkly, “Oh, I know...”

Scott frowned, “Have we met?”

“February 21st, 2008,” I sneered, “Do you remember what happened that night?”

Julie touched my arm, “Anna, what are you-”

“You ruined every hope he had! It was intentional. Lindy said so. You scumbag. How can you look at yourself in the morning? You should be ashamed. I’m glad they traded you. Good for the Rangers. They don’t want your type on their team.”

Julia jerked me back as people in the market started looking, “Oh my god, Anna, we’re leaving.”

“You shattered his playoffs hopes!” I screamed, “I watched him anguish for a week! It took a good month before he even tried skating again! You took it from him, his only passion! I hate you, Scott Gomez! I fucking HATE YOU!” At this point Julie was practically wrestling me to the ground, “I hate you, Scott Gomez! I hate you! I hate you!”

I burst into tears and buried my face into Jules’ shoulder, “I hate you, I hate you...I love you, Ryan Miller...I love you...”

She reluctantly held on to me for a minute before pulling me up. I was red-faced and angry, tears of hurt streaming down my face. My friend gave me the saddest look I had ever seen.

“We need to call him, sweetie,” she said quietly, “Come on. Let’s go home.”

I did not disagree.

-

My shaky hands dialed the number on Julia’s phone. We were back at the apartment. Carey was sitting on the couch, not impressed by the scene I caused at the market. Julia had told him, since we’d gotten back so weirdly early. It was embarrassing to say the least, but shit happens, I guess.

Jules hit speakerphone. She wanted us all to hear him, to speak with him. I was scared.

A few rings in and I heard his voice, “Hello?”

“Ryan...it’s Julia.”

His tone changed, “Oh...hi.”

“We have a situation.”

“If it has anything to do with Anna I don’t have time for it.”

Julie pressed, “It’s really important, Ryan.”

He sighed, “Fine. What’s going on.”

“She’s insane.”

Ouch, that’s a bit much.

“Ha, I knew that. Anyone who has an affair with Drew Stafford has to be.”

“Ryan, she didn’t have an affair,” Jules argued, “A kiss is far from an affair.”

“You don’t know the full story,” he replied, “Regardless, what Anna and I had no longer exists, and I want nothin to do with her. She left and I cannot do anything about it.”

“You have to take her back!” Carey suddenly exclaimed, “She’s driving me crazy!”

Julia shot him a look, “Carey, shut up!”

He softened, “Sorry babe, but it’s true...”

“She ran to you guys, then...” Ryan said tiredly.

“Of course I did,” I said, “They’re all I have left.”

“Yeah, because you push everyone else away.”

“OK,” Julia cut in, “Guys, I don’t think this can be settled over the phone...”

Ryan huffed, “I am not driving to Montreal to see my ex girlfriend, who is clearly so fucking mental she can’t handle herself. I have a game to practice for.”

A felt my temper flair, “You’re fucking mental, Ryan! All you care about is your stupid game!”

He shouted back, “All you care about is yourself!”

Carey sighed, “I feel like I’m in the middle of a soap opera...”

Jules nodded, “Tell me about it.”

Ryan scoffed, “Whatever. Anna, go run to your new boytoy, whatshisname, Lapierre, for support. I am done dealing with this.”

I felt my blood run cold, “I am not dating Lapierre...”

Julie looked nervous, “How did you find out about Lapierre?”

“Nhl.com,” Ryan said dryly, “Cell phone pictures are so very flattering. The press conference will be hell today, that’s for sure.”

Julie looked at me, “You took pictures with your phone, Anna?”

I shook my head, “I didn’t! Someone at the bar must have submitted them to the NHL. Oh my god...I’m mortified.”

Carey said something I wasn’t expecting, “Ryan, you’re such an ass.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what she was really like.”

Carey rolled his eyes, “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her at her worst, and I’m certain you’d be an ass otherwise.”

The line went quiet for a moment. I chewed my lip, waiting for his response. I was so filled with hurt I had no idea what to do. Finally, he spoke.

“I don’t care if I win five Stanley Cups...all I wanted was to start a family with you, Annie. I loved you. But you didn’t want that. We tried for a year and then you gave up.”

I felt the eyes of Jules and Carey on me, “You guys...really?”

I looked down, “I miscarried twice. They were both boys. We had the names and everything. It was awful.”

“Holy shit,” was all Carey could say. Jules was silent.

“Everything just went after that,” Ryan said quietly, “The love...it just faded away. Nothing. Empty.”

And then we heard a foreign voice in the background. A high-pitched woman’s voice. A voice none of us had ever heard before. I felt myself feeling sicker.

“You ass...” Julie said angrily, “You move on fast.”

I stood up and turned off the speakerphone, grabbing the phone itself and screamed, “GO FUCK YOURSELF!” With all my strength I hurled it across the room. It shattered.

Carey and Julie just stood there, staring at me. I breathed heavily, my anger seething.

“I’m sorry I broke your phone, Carey...” I said slowly, “I’ll buy you a new one.”

From there, everything went black. I had passed out.